I have felt  different this week,still the heavyness the tiredness gives me but I know it is completly normal.I have done so much this week and realised my head is full of ideas once more instead of
empty all the time.Its as if knowing tomorrow I will have my last chemo has freed me up somehow.I am dreading it but just maybe it will be problem free for the first time.
As soon as those first 5 days are over when I know I will feel grim
I am looking forward to changing the side panels on this blog then taking lots of photos. I have masses of lace and ribbons and have begun to measure it and sort it so Tony can put it on eBay for me.
I need to try to make a few dolls for a christmas sale if I can. I have walked in the wood a few times and it is very beautiful,full of ferns and copper coloured falling leaves,several neatly stacked piles of wood ready for the winter and of course the big white duck swimming on the Lavoir. He, we have realised is a she and seems to have no inclination to go as have the two previous ducks that spent time here.I am very happy about it because we and the village children get great pleasure from her.
I had another Reiki session today and was told there was a block around my heart which stemmed from low self esteem and if I just thought about how many people have visited me and so many other kind, kind people  who have taken time to wish me well it was about time I realised and  raised my self esteem.I will try.

It will soon be all over.

It is amazing that summer has gone and here it's becoming colder.I had 2 fairly minor op's straight after the last 7 hour chemo session.One in each shoulder and though both were done with local anesthetics I found myself completly knocked out for longer than usual.I only 
began to feel some interest in any thing a couple of days ago.But am up now and this morning was taken to a lovely man who did a wonderful relaxation session with me.
Am still trying to eat more but not having as much sucess as I need.The doctor at the hospital arranged for me to have food supplements to eat along side each main meal.They are so unpleasant I just can't  down them.So we have this huge box
full  and I don't quite know what to do about them.I know I should force some down but since very little tastes pre chemo days its even difficult to eat normal foods. 
My last chemo is next week,I hope the last one presents no problems,it will be very interesting to find out what a problem free session is like .
I even went into my workroom this morning and looked through my many paintings .It was surprising how I picked up things that didn't seem right and liked others more.I even felt happy thinking it won't be too long before I will be able  to work in there again.

I made a sun print!

I knew it was going to be extremly hot just for yesterday.I have wanted to make some some prints all
summer but apart from that I am supposed to keep out of the sun haven't had the energy to do anything much.So I covered myself rather like a bee keeper grabbed the things  I had put ready to use
and hurried up the garden,I had enough to make 2.Sadly dispite much searching I had lost Cas Holmes lovely book and couldn't quite remember what I had to do so I did each differently.Only one worked ,not brilliant but I did it!!
My hair is now beginning to fall out,I have been trying ways with scarves but I feel very self conscious so gave myself a talking too I either have a wig or its got to be scarves.The nurse that came explained that i should wash my hair in the shower with luke warm water and not rub it at all and best to avoid shampoo.You then pat it to dry out the excess and leave to dry in the air.The result is that not much hair fell out but my hair looked like it still need a wash Tony has just brought me a bottle of baby shampoo I will have a go sort of patting it into my head ,at worst it will just speed up the fall out.

Feeling so much better

I woke up yesterday and straight away knew I felt alot better,Stayed up quite a long time
and ate a little more.Today I feel even better,have fed the duck ,moorhens and cats.Pulled up a few weeds from the back garden and am wondering if I could make a chocolate cake?Just one week befor the next Chemio session but I know I will feel stronger , I'm sure there won't be problems and anyway I shall be ringing the bell even if its for nothing much.The doctor knew nothing of the problems but intends to find out.I still can't recognise my face in the mirror but at least I feel more like me.

My first chemo session.

I had my first chemo session exactly a week ago. I knew little about what would happen and here the medical service don't say much.I arrived at the hospital at nine and was soon in a single room being attached to a thing with drips and a couple of some sort of moniters one of which was reluctant to work but eventually the nurse said a cheerful bien and left..I had heard it would be about a 2to3 hour session.I was quite comfortable on a bed and had a good book to read.After an hour or so pain began and as time passed it got to be very unpleasent.I told myself this is how it is,but when dinner came round I refused it saying I had this pain.During those hours no one looked in on me at all.
I should have rung the bell,but stupidly thought that must be the way it was especially since no one had come in.The long and the short was that when the nurse did look at me she said  Mon Dieu!!!
The consultant came and sent for ice packs because my breast was swollen and my shoulder and arm
by then,What followed was pretty unpleasent but more was to come.I was then hooked up to more stuff which I think was to wash out all the other .After 2-3 hours a nurse came in and hooked me up to more stuff until 6:00 when Tony came to collect me.9 hours,I still can't believe it.I'm told I was quite high when we left and the next day so I suspect it was because of something I was given, The hell set in wednesday afternoon and night.Lovely nurses have come daily and I did manage  to ask if they had any idea what happened.I am seeing my doctor on wednesday so hope to find out more because my biggest problem is the next session.I am feeling pleased with myself because I have managed to stay up for most of the day and am eating again and showered and read for a while.I am tired now ,wish it was cooler,sleep is difficult when it is so hot.Thank you again for your support,it is something I have needed but am still trying to be positive.