Why, what and when!!!

Arrived at the hospital as requested befor 8:00 in the morning on Wednesday and was sent into a tiny ward where another lady sat already hooked up to her chemo.I waited and waited and waited and several hours later after seeing the anaethetist and the heart man wa s back in the  ward . The consultant came and said all has changed ,we want you here monday befor 7:00 in the morning and we are going to open you up and see  whats what.I was so taken aback I didn't ask a single question.
So here I am at home again wondering what and why.
On the good side my daughter arrives today for three days and i feel well enough to know i shall love seeing her.
Over in the water surounding the wood a water rat family have arrrived complete with 5 babies.The male is huge and has 2 very large protruding front teeth,but they are grazing animals and really quite harmless.They come onto the bank at dawn and dusk to eat the clover and grass.The french hate them and there probably are good reasons but for me I shall just watching them.

Trying hard to be positive

Now I know I have ovarion cancer it is a relief.I start the chemo on wednesday and am so pleased at how quickly the specialst moved to get every thing in place.I am sleeping alot,mostly I think to stop the negative thoughts that want to go round and round in my head.I have been visited by people everyday,everyone so kind.One good friend has even made my bedroom perfect.I always felt I was an invisable  kind of person and the last two weeks have raised my moral enormously.I can't thank everyone enough,blogging friends and local friends.The chemo lasts for 5 months then another scan and more thoughts made on what next.But I know what has to be has to be.

Home for a few days

I spent nearly a week in hospital and though I hated all the tests the docters and nurses were amazing. I am going back this week to have another scan to verify if what they found is bad or good.When I was told of the probability I went quite numb and seemingly didn't react at all.When I got home all I wanted to do was get under my duvet and get my head round it.Its taken a few days but now I feel more positive. I decided I would get up each day and spend time in my workroom,hopefully a little more every day.I am still just a bit blank and have to admit to ruining a painting and the next one seems to be going the same way.Still the act of doing it is a joy and thankfully with golden acrylics I can paint over them.Thank you all of you for all your lovely good wishes and Shashi for the book.I shall cut out as many pieces as I can and take them into hospital  ,they will be a  perfect task to do in bed.I am so very grateful and pleased with it.I must go and sleep now for a while
Jillxxxx